There is no comparable temptation to “figure out” where we’ll be in a year because we know we can’t. People with HOCD are tempted by the prospect of “figuring out” if they’re gay or straight, either by checking in some fashion or by mental exercise. Partially, they’re hard to tolerate because they run counter to our well-rehearsed habits of eliminating that uncertainty. So why are obsessive thoughts so hard to tolerate? We can tolerate not knowing what we’ll wear tomorrow, we can tolerate not knowing exactly where we’ll be in a year. We all have the ability to tolerate uncertainty. The more someone with HOCD seeks certainty, the more they weaken their innate ability to tolerate uncertainty. Paradoxically, the healthiest thing we can do in these situations is… nothing. This has some parallels to Claire Weekes‘ metaphor of swimming rather than floating you want the anxiety to go away, and assume that hard work is needed to make that happen. People with HOCD feel a strong temptation to eliminate uncertainty about whether they are straight or gay.
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The core symptoms of HOCD are intrusive thoughts about being gay. Everything written here can be applied to a gay person with obsessions about being straight just swap the words “gay” and “straight.” The Warning Signs of HOCD For simplicity’s sake, this article describes the experience of a straight person with obsessions about being gay. Note: HOCD can affect people of any sexual orientation. HOCD has been around for a long time and, to those in the know, is an established and well-understood sub-type of OCD. Others mistakenly interpret it as an early part of the coming out process. For this reason, many people misunderstand it to be “repressed” homosexuality. HOCD is poorly understood outside of the OCD community. These can indeed be symptoms of OCD, but for some people, OCD can look completely different. If you ask most people what OCD is, their answers will likely involve a preoccupation with order, being excessively neat, or washing your hands.
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Therapists who specialize in OCD are typically familiar with HOCD, but most other therapists are not. One factor that perhaps makes HOCD more torturous than other types of OCD is its relative obscurity. This a large number for such an infrequently discussed phenomenon! It’s similar to the numbers estimated for Americans living with multiple sclerosis, and more than the number of people living in Cincinnati, Ohio. So a reasonable estimate of the number of Americans suffering from sexual orientation-themed OCD would be 315,000. Of those 3.95 million, estimates are that 8% of them have sexual orientation obsessions. OCD, the broader category in which HOCD falls, affects 1.2% of Americans - approximately 3.95 million people. HOCD affects less than 1% of the population. It’s also known as SO-OCD (sexual orientation) or “gay OCD.” It is a variant of OCD, and can have a profound impact on the lives of those living with it. HOCD is the abbreviation for homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder.